Today I woke up with plans to run by myself. Now I have to say that running by myself has not been a very successful endeavor in the past few years. Running and I have shared a love/hate relationship where running loves to make me hate it. If I am running with a friend, I can ignore most of the demons in my mind telling my why I shouldn't be running or how much it sucks. However, when I'm running alone the demons normally win.
So, being completely honest, I set off this morning with pretty low expectations. I had on my training plan to run 5 easy miles. I drove to Downtown Columbia and parked at the Whole Foods building. If I had to run 5 miles, I was going to try to find some flat-ish miles to run. Plus I love Downtown Columbia...and running in places that I love tends to make the run a more successful one.
I won't go step by step in this run...but I want to explain what happened to me over those few miles. I saw people walking their dogs, I saw other runners, I saw a huge group of older people walking, I saw people with binoculars looking for birds, I saw a mommy-and-me yoga group. You know what I didn't see? I didn't see anyone with a frown on their face. Everyone was smiling and happy...they were greeting each other (and me)...they were enjoying the beautiful weather. THIS IS WHAT I NEED! Happy running!
As I ran, I focused on my running form. I've never been a good runner and I've always had pretty bad running form. But I've been running for enough years that I know what I'm supposed to do to fix it. So I focused on that. I walked up the hills with zero guilt and started running again at the tops of each hill. Every now and then I glanced at my watch to see what pace I was running, but the goal was to run happy not to worry about time or pace goals.
I battled those damn demons just like always...but this time the demons didn't get to me. The "you are so slow" demon came to me at one point. I smiled at him and said "yes but not for too much longer". He went away without much of a fight. The "everything hurts" demon reared his ugly head many times during the run, especially towards the end. I always have trouble with him but I pushed him aside knowing that when my body really needed a break I would know the true signals. When my body needed a break, I took it. The "everything hurts" demon had nothing to do with that. The worst demon of all came to me at one point. He's the one who tells me "you don't belong out here with the real runners". You know how I beat him? I sped up. I ran for about 1/4 mile at a 9:35 pace. (The one time in the run I was really looking at my watch and focusing on my pace!) It's true that I couldn't keep that pace up for the entire run...but I showed that demon that despite what he says, I DO belong out there with the real runners because I AM a real runner. When he tells me I can't do it, I'm just going to have to prove him wrong. I am stronger than the mental demons.
I ended my run well short of 5 miles. I ran 3.75 miles. Some might consider that a failure, but I do not. I ended my run feeling great. I knew that I had accomplished a pretty major breakthrough with the demons. I knew that I had motivated myself to get out of bed, ignore the mild headache, forget the many excuses I could have made...and I just ran. I also knew that if I tried to run another 1.25 miles to get to 5 miles, I might just give in to those demons. At this point, starting my training all over again at ground zero, I need to finish runs with a good feeling. Had I continued, things might have gone south quickly.
The run was a success. I AM a runner. The day is beautiful. I have a long way to go to get "back in shape" and really start training for a race someday in the future, but today gave me a huge boost of much needed confidence. Attitude is everything...and mine is improving by the day.
Run Stats: 3.75 miles; Time 42:47, pace 11:25 per mile, elev gain 71 ft.
Way to put those demons in their place! Good job!!!
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